I have reached a point where I am no longer myself;
i don't see a reflection in the mirror. i don't feel anything beneath my fingertips when i put my hand to my face.

and where have I gone?

i can't write shit anymore; i can't tell stories anymore; i can't make my brain cells tremble and if i touch a finger to your lips they're cold now. all of you. your lips are so cold.

i have swallowed myself entirely;
drowned, so to speak

last night i had a nightmare that i crashed into the ocean and drifted far below the surface of water that was completely transparent, no oxygen no mask no life jacket, and i thought "hey, if there's cliffs above our heads that means we're close to la-" and i woke up before the thought finished

i'm so afraid; i want myself back
i want to write again. feel again. be again.
but who could ever bring me back
if i don't know where i've gone in the first place
or how i got there?
why can't i love anymore? sing anymore? smile anymore?

why
have i
become
so
empty?


put your ear to my chest, breathe deep, and listen: silence, and a whipping breeze