Comments on this account are now disabled.
If you want to reach me, for any reason, you'll find me at ::.

this account is officially my art gallery. and only-only-my art gallery.
kthxbye.

honestly, I love everyone who was so great to me on this account and thank you so much for all the support and advice you gave me, and for bearing with me through all my emofuck journals and shitty poems.

you should be given a fucking medal for all you did.
I love you.



¡Luke! ¡Luke! :

Message me:
Here, or

here, if you've got a myspace page.

orrrr, if you have a LiveJournal, click here.


Many happy returns, guys. Love and thanks and happy holidays to you all. Only two days until I can look at mature content.
Whee.

Guys. Seriously. This account is obsolete. I'm only using it as a gallery now, not a place for notes or comments. I'm not going to respond to comments or notes here, so please refrain from sending them.
If you'd like to stay in touch visit my new (and functioning) account: but read the journal there first.


and seriously.....no more comments/notes!

IMPORTANT EDIT: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 30th, IS THE LAST DAY THAT I WILL REPLY TO COMMENTS/NOTES/DEVIATION SUBMISSIONS ON THIS ACCOUNT.
Please refer to and read the journal entry there, and add if you wish (after reading the journal.)

(the s was intentional)

Please take note of some things:

A): Do NOT add my new account if you are not the sort of person to comment/note at least once a week. It gets rather tiring trying to sort through my DA list and finding people I haven't seen around for more than 40 weeks.... and since DA is an art site I'd like only to be watched and to watch people who are friendly, yes, but who also maintain an interest in helping me improve my art or simply telling me what they like about it, etc. Critiquing AND socializing is fine; socializing and not critiquing is NOT. I have a Myspace for that as well as several IMs and email.

B): Do NOT comment my page saying "thanks for the fav" or anything to that effect. While I'm pleased that you're grateful for my adding your work, I didn't do it to earn brownie points and all those "thanks for the fav" comments serve only to clutter up my desktop and make my DA screen run horribly slowly. Yes, I have a shitty computer.
C): DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT EVER LEAVE ME COMMENTS THAT CONSIST MERELY OF SMILEYS OR MONOSYLLABIC RESPONSES like "cool" "nice" "thanks" or anything of the sort. Again, that only clutters up my page uselessly.

It may seem like I'm being anal-retentive.
I am.
This place was supposed to be an art site. Not MySpace, and not Anime Central. (major pet peeve there.) So while I don't mind socializing in terms of notes, I'd prefer if the comments left on my page and my deviations (when I start uploading) actually pertain to the work and inform me that either I'm doing well or I could use improve on (and elaborate here).

oh. And one more irritant to get out of the shell:

DO
NOT
FAVORITE
ANYTHING
WITHOUT
COMMENTING
FIRST.

I cannot stress that enough.

Okay, enough comment Nazism. XD. Try not to hit me, okay? I'm trying to improve my DA experience. So to speak.
I'm posting this there, too, so if you don't see it here you can't exactly use that as an excuse.

I have reached a point where I am no longer myself;
i don't see a reflection in the mirror. i don't feel anything beneath my fingertips when i put my hand to my face.

and where have I gone?

i can't write shit anymore; i can't tell stories anymore; i can't make my brain cells tremble and if i touch a finger to your lips they're cold now. all of you. your lips are so cold.

i have swallowed myself entirely;
drowned, so to speak

last night i had a nightmare that i crashed into the ocean and drifted far below the surface of water that was completely transparent, no oxygen no mask no life jacket, and i thought "hey, if there's cliffs above our heads that means we're close to la-" and i woke up before the thought finished

i'm so afraid; i want myself back
i want to write again. feel again. be again.
but who could ever bring me back
if i don't know where i've gone in the first place
or how i got there?
why can't i love anymore? sing anymore? smile anymore?

why
have i
become
so
empty?


put your ear to my chest, breathe deep, and listen: silence, and a whipping breeze

I'm tired of seeing "PatriLususNaturae" in my browser's title bar.
People on DeviantART who put thought into their names usually have names that reflect them as people, as artists, etc. whereas I I joined here almost three years ago, an amateur, wanting to look fancy and literate. So I made up a Latin name.
PatriLususNaturae does have a meaning, of course; it's just that the meaning has nothing to do with me as a writer, photographer or poet. It's scrambled a little; it means "Father, freak of nature".
Certainly I'm a freak of nature, but for some reason putting it in Latin makes it sound like I'm lamenting that when in fact I love it that way.
And I've had some hellish experiences with this account- look at all the journal entries I wrote in the beginning, with Caleb, with Lyle, with my issues being Christina's friend, with all that stuff.... but here I am about to be eighteen and about to at least attempt to come into my own. I want to be known for my writing, my photography.
Not for a ridiculous moniker like this one...
And even though it means I'll have to redirect my email/start a whole new gallery, I suppose it's worth it. I can always shift this account to another of my sixty million emails, after all, and just link people to this account's gallery if they want to see my old stuff.
Seems like a lot of hassle for just a name, doesn't it?
Until you think about it. Juliet was very wrong about names; what you name a person, a thing, a place, shapes it. You give a person a name like a gentle flower, nine times of out ten his soul is soft and gentle at its core, like Lyle (his name is English, for "lily"). Or if you name someone after a philosopher, a writer, a poet- they'll grow into that sort of person.
Just the same, if you give people names like the people at my school- Eushekia, Yeika, Japonika for instance- they're typically loud, ghetto people.
That doesn't mean they'll be awful people who don't speak correct english, or that all people with names like Lyle's or Caleb's or Zack's are going to be upstanding elegant people. But more often than not, that's the case.
So, with all that said- I'm wondering whether I should create a new DeviantART account. It'll take some deciding before I create it, of course, although its name is leaning toward my pen name, which is Phoenix Moth (there is a nice story behind that name).
What do you think?